Our fears can impact our lives in all kinds of ways, many of which we aren’t yet conscious of. As we practice mindfulness and become more self-aware, we learn to take more notice of how our fears are showing up in our experience. One of the most common fears that impacts so many of us is a fear of abandonment. It is so common that it is a universal part of human nature. This fear can be so pervasive that it manifests as severe mental and emotional unwellness. Our fear of abandonment can show up in our relationships with other people and our relationships with ourselves.
Being afraid to be abandoned can cause us to lose our connection to our identity as we try to hold onto a lover or friend. We forget who we are. Everything we know about ourselves is in relation to another person. Our identity becomes totally based on how we’re connected to this other person, rather than on our connection to ourselves. We don’t feel complete without a partner. We don’t feel valuable if we’re not in a relationship.
When we are afraid of being abandoned, our fear can become so strong it develops into a complex or paranoia. We’ll do anything to keep our partner with us. We become clingy and needy. We’re obsessive, possessive and controlling. We’re consumed with jealousy and envy. All of these emotions are manifestations of our fear. When we are filled with the energy of fear, we’re pushing away whatever it is we’re trying to keep close to us. We’ll repel the partner we want to be with. We’ll sabotage our relationships.
Being consumed with a relationship out of fear of losing it means we usually start neglecting ourselves. We become disconnected from our inner selves. We don’t nurture our growth, and we abandon ourselves spiritually. We can start to feel down on ourselves, like we don’t measure up, like we’ll never be good enough. We can lose our sense of self-assuredness and confidence. We struggle with low self-esteem. We can experience heightened anxiety, intense panic attacks, and debilitating depression. We can feel terrified at the thought of being abandoned. We can find ourselves feeling abandoned and sad as a result, on a regular basis, and these emotions become the foundation of our worsened mental health. We can feel lost and alone. We feel a void within us that we’re trying to fill with relationships, which can feel just as addictive as any substance or harmful behavior.
Recovering from our addictions and mental health issues requires healing from the deeply rooted fears causing us so much pain and imbalance. Until we feel whole and complete within ourselves and shed our fear of abandonment, we’ll continue to find external sources of validation in an attempt make ourselves feel better.
Addiction thrives on isolation. You might feel alone in your pain, unable to share your fears with those around you and unsure how to escape the cycle of addiction. Bayview Recovery is here to change that. Call 888-570-7154 today to get the support you deserve.