Many of us living with addiction often find ourselves in relationships with other addicts. This often happens because like attracts like; we attract to us what we are experiencing internally. We manifest our circumstances, including our relationships, based on our energy and beliefs. We attract other people who are struggling with similar fears, limiting beliefs and woundedness. These relationships are often filled with toxicity and conflict. One of our biggest problems can be how much we enable each other’s addictions, rather than helping each other seek out recovery. We compound each other’s pain and can contribute to each other’s demise. In what ways do we enable each other, and why?
Enabling can come in various forms, both obvious and subtle. We might buy our partners their drug of choice. We might turn a blind eye and stay in denial rather than acknowledge they have a problem. We may even encourage them to use. Why do we do this? For some of us, it’s because we ourselves are so embroiled in our own inner turmoil that we’re not making choices from a place of clarity and wellness. Our mental and emotional health, and therefore our decision making, are totally compromised. We’re suffering ourselves, and this suffering extends to our partners. When we are in such an unhealthy place mentally and emotionally, we’re much more likely to be in unhealthy relationships and perpetuate unhealthy relationship patterns. It makes sense that as we’re struggling with our own addiction we might encourage someone else’s as well.
When we are enabling our partners’ addiction, we might lie on their behalf. We might cover for them and make excuses for their destructive behavior. We might tell friends and family that there’s nothing to worry about when they confront us with their concerns. We might minimize the problem and convince ourselves and others that the problem isn’t as serious as it really is. We might dissuade them from getting help, knowing deep down that if they get help that might threaten to expose our own problem. We might not want to be alone in our addiction. As they say, “misery loves company.” Instinctively, even subconsciously, we would rather have someone struggle with us than suffer alone. We’re not ready to do the hard work of recovery. We’re not ready to face the truth of how severe our addiction has become.
Receiving personalized support is an important part of a successful treatment plan. Bayview Recovery makes individualized care a priority, and we’re totally committed to helping you reach and maintain your goals of recovery. Call 888-570-7154 for more information.